Another Planned Parenthood Secret: The Silent Abortion of Birth Control

Ever been in a Christless and toxic relationship?  I was.  When I was 23.  My boyfriend (now husband) and I were off, on, together, not.  One time in particular we had been off for several months . . .

Even before I was sexually active, my doctor advised me to go on the pill to “be prepared.”  I was just 16 when he coached me to go to Planned Parenthood or the county and lie by saying I didn’t have insurance so they could bill the state and my parents would never know.  “You can’t get cheaper than free” he told me.

So when my boyfriend and I were “off” again, I stopped taking the pill since I had no intention of being sexually active.  When we started talking again, I went back on my pills and waited one month before having sex, as I was advised by PP clinicians.  A few weeks into the second month, we had sex.  I had forgotten to take my pills a few days the week prior and week of, but didn’t think much of it since I was instructed by PP clinicians that if I missed one pill, to double up when I remembered.  Miss two, take three.  Miss three, take four.  After that, start a whole new pack.  I had only missed one on two separate occasions, so I was confident I was in the clear.

So this particular night, when the condom slipped off, and I was certain I was ovulating (something I realized I could actually detect when NOT on the pill), I immediately knew there was a very real possibility I could get pregnant.  I did not opt for the morning after pill, reasoning that -- of course -- everything would be okay, since I took my pills as instructed.  They’re guaranteed 99% effective if taken properly, which I had.

Fast forward six weeks.  I had missed my period.  Just one light pink smear of blood appeared that month.  I NEVER missed a period.  EVER.  Still I reasoned, I couldn’t be pregnant.  I was on the pill!  If I miss another, then I’ll be worried.  I continued to drink and smoke.  I stayed over at his apartment one night.  Not long after his alarm went off for him to go to work, I awoke to a very sharp and alarming cramp.  I immediately went to the bathroom, sat on the toilet, and felt a “pop” in my abdomen, the urge to push, and the sound of something falling in the water.  Terrified, I looked into the toilet, and there, I undeniably saw a teeny tiny baby staring up at me, surrounded by blood.   I screamed for my boyfriend to come.  Shaking in silence, I pointed then asked, “What does that look like to you?!”  His silence answered perfectly.  We both knew.  It was a baby.  The tiny developing black eye looking up at us prevented us from talking ourselves out of the truth.  In panic and shock, I flushed the toilet.  Something that haunts me to this day.  Along with the memory of the tiny black eye of my child.

Three years later, we would find Christ, give our lives over to Him, and marry each other.  We researched birth control and realized it was an abortifacient so decided against using it in our marriage, choosing to let God plan parenthood for us.  Half a year in, I was pregnant.  I lost the baby six weeks into the pregnancy.  And it happened again a few months later.  I grieved those children like I had been their mother for years, like I had rocked them to sleep and kissed them goodnight.  Despite my immense grief, a question haunted me: why were these miscarriages different than the first?  I bled so much with the last two.  With the first I only bled a little, stopped, and had what I thought was my period a few days later.  The newly acquired knowledge of the abortifacient factor hadn’t come to mind yet, but upon seeking God for answers and researching through my grief, it soon would.

I realized the experiences were different because they were different.  The last two miscarriages had been natural occurrences, something beyond my control.  But the first one…was an unintended abortion. I had become pregnant that night and I had missed several pills in the days before I lost that baby.  I missed three pills that week, so I took four.  As instructed.  The next day, I lost my baby.  Coincidence?  

NO ONE, not my doctor, not any clinician or nurse that had counseled me EVER told me the Morning After Pill was just a high dose of standard birth control.  No one EVER told me how the pill really worked.  Oh sure, they told me phase one stops ovulation, phase two thickens cervical mucus so sperm won’t penetrate the uterus, but no one EVER told me phase three thins the lining of your endometrium so that an already conceived baby cannot implant and be nourished, thus being killed and flushed out.  

Why so much less blood that first loss?  Years of being on the pill had caused my endometrium to become so thinned there wasn’t much more than an average period amount of womb to be lost.  With the last two, I had been off the pill for almost two years so my endometrium was restored to its God-intended, lush and healthy state.  

I mourned for that first baby in a whole new way as I realized I had killed my own baby.  It would be easy to play a victim and just blame the doctors and clinicians.  And yes, they hold a majority of the responsibility since, as a young girl, I trusted them to guide me to honest information.  But in the midst of weeping for children that were taken from me beyond my own power, I had to face the reality that one was lost by my own hand, my own decisions, my own ignorance.  

When I became maniacally suicidal and depressed, I finally read the leaflet and saw, so tiny at the bottom listed under side effects: “May cause or increase depression and/or suicidal thoughts”.  I went to the so-called healthcare providers.  Their solution?  Put me on a different kind of pill.  And so it continued until I found Christ and stopped taking it. Because of the depression I self mutilated and cut myself so bad that I still have scars.  I do not wish depression or the grief of losing a child even in the early stages of its life upon anyone.

But God blew gently on these ashes of my life and brought forth my fire to inform people of the truth.  So that they will not suffer as I did.  So that they will not ignorantly trust those who only see them as dollar signs as I did.  Planned Parenthood is preying on the ignorance and trust of our youth.  They are destroying and literally taking lives so that they may cash the paychecks of our children’s blood, and sometimes our own.

What kind of testimony would this be if I did not share it?  It is my responsibility to share the truth behind Planned Parenthood, the truth about all abortion, the truth about the silent abortion of birth control.

And now that you know, it is also yours.

Having an opinion is not enough.  God called us to be doers of the word, not just hearers (James 1:22).  More babies will die and more mothers will suffer if we do not speak up.  And my story is all too common.  PP is packed on any given day with young women walking out with prescribed birth control without their medical history being checked or any kind of pre screening.  We need to share factual information with our communities, our peers, and our young people.

When I stand in front of PP and call girls over to share the truth, more often than you might think I end up watching them leave without ever stepping foot into the clinic.  Because I simply took time to DO something, to research and share, my baby’s life was not in vain.  

When you take your physical body and put it in front of a clinic, or in a prayer group, or at your local pregnancy resource center, you make a difference.  If only someone like you had been outside of Planned Parenthood to tell me the truth about birth control!

God calls us to be a light in the dark, like a city on a hill, illuminated and functioning for all to see (Matthew 5:14).  Be that light!  Working with Survivors, doing street ministry with The Resistance, is God’s way of bringing beauty from ashes.  Will you join us by spreading the word?  More so, I challenge you:  Will you join us in the streets?